TREASURE CHEST

MARIAM’S STORY

Posted on: March 18, 2010

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MY DAY AT SCHOOL

By

MARIAM JEDDY

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Mariam is a six year old. She is a born Canadian but the family transferred to Lahore where she started as a kindergarten student of KIDS CAMPUS, a Gulberg school. In the present spell she has been at school in Canada for the last seven months and has learnt to speak English. She now says she wants to be a writer. She does not want to wait to do this. She wants to be a writer now. She however feels that she needs some help to become a writer because she wants to use big words which she cannot spell. So the arrangement was that she would dictate her story and her mom will type it in Mariam’s laptop. Once the procedure was agreed, she set about her story without delay. Sitting on the carpet, she dictated, with gusto, her story of her eventful day at school. She wants her Mom to make sure her story is printed in the TORONTO STAR.

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When we went into our school, our teacher said that we are not going on our field trip right now  because we need to eat our lunch first so that we do not get hungry during our field trip. Then we went outside to play and when we came back inside we got to eat our lunch. Then the bus arrived and we ran to the bus so that we do not miss it. When we sat in the bus, our teacher counted us. I was sitting with my friends Allison, Tomisin, Ashton and teacher Mrs Marcy. Then the bus slowly started to move and we soon arrived at the Safety Village.
The teacher in the Safety Village had a partner from high school. He comes everyday for seven hours to help her. Then in the Safety Village there was a girl who taught us seven good rules about how we can be safe on the roads.  Then we put our coats on, zipped them up and put our boots on, then we went outside. Our teacher told us that we have to take care of ourselves. So when we went outside we looked left and right and all the way around us so that we could be safe on the road. The second rule was to play away from the street and the cars in the park. The third rule was that if you are big only then are you allowed to ride your bike on the road but if you are little then you have to ride your bike only on the walkway. The fourth rule was we should always walk when we cross the streets and we see a green hand on the signal. The fifth was that where there is no sidewalk, walk on the left facing the traffic. The sixth was to always wear your seat belts in the car. Then we soon arrived at Tim Horton’s and ate tidbits. Then we went to McDonalds and ate a happy meal. Then we went to the Metro shopping store. There I bought a can of soup, Maya bought pepper and Dejun bought a carrot.
Then we soon arrived at the bus and there were some instructions so that we could be safe. Then we reached the police station. There they told us that, if you say something bad you will be locked in the jail and then there was a helper who opened a green box with lots of wires in it. They told us not to climb the fence because the wires can give you an electric shock.
After this we sat in the bus and went back to our school. In the school we did an activity. Mrs. Marcy had a blue box in which there was a light blue stick. Then we got two red buckets and a yellow bucket. Inside the yellow bucket were toy ponies and then she told us that you have to use the ponies and not the seals in the red buckets because the seals are too heavy. We started doing the activity.
Then the bus and the bus buddies arrived. Some kids went with their moms. When I arrived at home, I was very hungry. Mama gave me a big sandwich.

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When Mariam presented a printout of her story to her teacher, Mrs. Marcy, she wrote the following comment on it and returned it.
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This is lovely.
Mariam read it aloud to the class. She has a wonderful memory for details. We presented it as a report of our trip. Thank you so much for taking the trouble to do this with her.
Mrs. Marcy.
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MARIAM GOES TO KARACHI
and writes about the flight from Toronto
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Dear dada, papa and dadi,
When I was in the airport, I saw that a man was checking my princess bag and he asked me which is your favourite princess. Then I said that Bell is my favourite princess. From there, we went to find 36 gate to wait for the PIA plane. Then we sat down and me and mama went to the washroom. When we came out of the washroom, we went to buy 3 chips and 1 water bottle. Then I called papa and told him that mama bought me 3 chips and 1 water bottle. Then me and mama drank water and ate chips. Then there was a man whose face is just like chachoo. There was other man who was ganja. There was a boy, who was wearing wedding clothes. Outside the window we saw a PIA airplane.  I think , I will eat lots of chips because papa said that they will give food after many hours on the plane. And this is the email for dada, papa and dadi for being such a good dada, dadi and papa and this is the email from Mariam
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Little Sara, Marium’s cousin sister, wrote this letter to Marium.


Dear Maryam,
I miss you a lot,do you miss me?are you happy with me?
I went to defence club today there I had lots of fun, if you come from karachi then I will show you where we went to have fun.
Today I went to defence club ,I went there with my brother and sister, my daddy has gone to Islamabad and mom didnt go there because she has work at home.
I went there to meet my friend Saliha, there I had a lots of fun and slides and I also ate chicken curry and biryani, and my dear maryam there are lots of swings, and I went to the car and went in car to the post office and there I gave letter to the post office,and post office will send that letter to your dados house.
Then I went home then I ate egg and paratha,and I watch TV and ate mangoes after the tv is finished. Also in my summer holidays I have done a lots of homework and I have 60 holidays and in those holidays i will finish all the homework, and my bhai is also helping me to do the homework.
I love you maryam,I love you more then saliha, do you love me or not if you dont love me I will write  that you blink your nossie, so dont write that thing in your email ok.
I am coming to karachi to meet you, and mehreen and maheen and danoo bhai and I will have lots of friends but most of all I like you maryam,and you are my best friend, I have never seen best friend like you, I love you maryam.
I went to mangla and drive a boat can you drive and steer a boat? and I went to a swimming trip with my teacher.
my friend saliha told me to watch the street very carefully, if there is green light and you cross the road you will get hurt so watch the street very carfeully you can only cross when there is red light.
Sara.


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12 Responses to "MARIAM’S STORY"

Admire her accurate sequencing of the events at school. Shows an orderly mind and good memory.

Looking forward to further narrations of life through a 6-year old’s eyes.

Dear Mariam
My primary school did not have chairs or even a “TAT” to sit on.
A school field trip was beyond imaginations Yet I have been to many beautiful countries in the world.
Count your blessings. Always help others.
Love
Haroon Wasti

Good effort Keep it up! You sure got talent to win a Nobel prize 🙂

I was very happy to read about Mariam’ s field trip day. She has narrated whole day of field trip in great detail. Well done, Mariam.

Mariam is overjoyed with the comments. Below are her replies as she dictated to her Mom. Sorry I can’t reproduce her entire chit chat. Too long.
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UNCLE TUFAIL,
Because you liked my story I will write more and more till I learn how to write VERY big words. Then I will write a book of childrens’ stories with lot of color pictures of birds and animals and penguins. Then I will type myself. Please tell mama I want an Apple Ipad laptop just like what Mehreen was given by her papa, Uncle Faisal. Mehreen is in San Jose. Then I will not let mama type my stories. I will type on my Ipad. You know Mehreen is bigger than me and Maheen is still more bigger and writes long stories all the time like Harry Potter.

PHUPI AMINA,
Mama says I have to become a big scientist to buy a Nobel Prize. Can I have the big red and white pony instead, like what I saw in Sears when we went to buy long black boots for me. They are shiny ones. I have only two small ponies. The big one is a Barbie. The small one is a dog which rolls on the floor and laughs and cries when I put electric cell into his stomach.

UNCLE WASTI,
When I grow up I will go to Pakistan and put chairs in your school. Also school bus and pencils.
Papa says you help everybody. I will like to do as you do. I will also give Barbie dolls to children. In Kids Campus we all got new Barbie dolls on sports day. I will also like to go to many beautiful countries. Papa will take us again to Niagra Falls in April because it is very cold now. The big color lights on the water at night make the water very beautiful. Dadi says Maria Wasti is a big TV lady. I also like to sing when dada plays on the electric piano. I can also sing “Every night in my dreams I see you I feel you.” When I sang that in Kids Campus all the children in the school hall clapped and Aunty Misbah gave me one prize cup and many flowers and one ribbon of red color. I also got a cup in racing on sports day.

UNCLE FALI.
You write big beautiful words but dada told me what they are. I was six years old when I had my birthday and we had six little candles on a big chocolate cake with white cream and red strawberries on top. My friends and me sang happy birthday. But now I am a bigger girl. Papa said you say I am a clever girl. I like to be a clever girl. I also like to make man in the snow, but now all the snow is gone. But I and my friends will do the activity again when the snow comes back. Now we have sunshine and I like sunshine more than the rain.

MARIAM JEDDY

Well Mariam Beta,

All what you have expressed in your post [typed by your Mama though] has been amazing. I just thought I was a kid travelling all along with you to your school trip and that’s the beauty of words that move you, words that carry you along. To all what you have narrated, I would only say Amazing, Masha’ Allah.
Allah kre zor-e-sukhan aur zyada.

With love.

What Dr. Hashmy has said is in essence an educational comment which can come only from an experienced and cultivated author. The central concept is beyond a child’s understanding, but pinpoints independently a key element of what is an important ingredient of good writing. To carry the reader along with him is an art a writer needs to understand if he wishes to express himself in a way which captures and holds a reader’s attention. That is not a free lunch. It will take time, experience and practice to cultivate this competence as a core art.

This is my view, independent of how “Marium’s Story” measures up on this standard, which could be a subjective assessment varying from person to person in any particular case.
Zaheer Jeddy

Dear ALL Uncles, dad, Amina and baby Mariam.

I am extremely happy to see the encouragement which you all have provided to Mariam. She is certainly a very demanding but more important a very loving baby. With encouragement of all of you I am sure she will one day become a scholar…..Hats on to dad for giving her attention and love which will make her what we want.

I look forward to more comments from you all which is a great source of inspiration.

Mariam and Ambreen keep up the good work !!!

Love

Farooq Jeddy

Dear Mariam,
What you have narrated above to Ambreen Mami was certainly a wonderful read. I am hoping to see more of this very soon. Insh Allah with a vision as clear as yours that too at such a tender age, it is just a matter of time before you shall be ranked among the top writers of the world. My prayers are with you :).
Love,
Ali Bhai.

Jaan-e-mann,

What a nice story. And very nicely told. Hope you are having a lot of fun in Karachi, and making your Mama write your fun stories for all of us to read.

On your 10th birthday, your Chachoo will get you an iPad for you (or whatever is the latest and greatest at that time). This is a promise.

Hope you play a lot of Mehroo in Karachi. Wait till Manaloo is there, and then all you gals will have a big ball and lots of fun.

Cheers!
Chachoo

Charming Mariam,
What a lovely email. The same quality as that of your classic report TRIP TO SAFETY VILLAGE published in my TREASURE CHEST website. Your ability to describe specifics is a writer’s gift which is beyond many grown-ups.
Make sure Nana, Nanu and all your friends in Karachi read your TRIP TO SAFETY VILLAGE which even Mrs. Marcy liked so much that she made you read it before the whole class.

Even though I really like this post, I think there was an spelling error shut towards the finish of your third paragraph.

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